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  RETURN TO LANMORE

  Sheila Douglas

  It was time to heal the breach

  The separation hadn't been of Nell's making--her grandfather had been totally unreasonable. But now, with him ill, Nell had to make amends.

  Sympathy over the old affair lay with her grandfather, but she was distressed when even his neighbor, Philip Trent, who knew nothing about it, thought her selfish and unfeeling.

  Philip had formed his opinion of Nell before they'd even met. Nell, who'd had no advance warning of Philip, found him completely devastating.

  CHAPTER ONE

  'I think you should come today, Nell. At once, if you want to see your grandfather alive.'

  Nell's hand tightened on the telephone receiver and she stared blindly at the corridor wall. She had known Dr MacFarlane all her life and he was not the man to exaggerate, or to panic. If he said her grandfather's heart attack was a serious one then it was.

  'Is he in hospital?' she asked.

  'Yes. The intensive care unit at Barnslow General. Your aunt called me at five o'clock this morning.'

  'Conscious?'

  'A little confused, though that's mainly due to sedation.'

  'But he asked to see me?' No answer. 'Dr MacFarlane, he does want to see me?'

  'I'm sure he does, my dear.' After forty years in England the doctor's voice still had a pronounced Scots accent. Now it deepened and became persuasive. 'Maybe I'm an old fool, stepping in where no one else dares, but don't you think it's time you made things up with your grandfather? If it's not too late already,' he added sombrely.

  Nell pushed a hand through her curly brown hair and tugged at it distractedly. 'But if I come down and he doesn't want to see me, mightn't that make him worse?'

  'Naturally we shall ask him first.'

  'What does Aunt Elizabeth say?'

  Again a pause. 'I have not consulted Elizabeth,' said Dr MacFarlane. 'You must make up your own mind. But if you don't come you'll be sorry afterwards. When it's too late.'

  'Oh, don't say that!' cried Nell, near to tears. 'Of course I'm coming—I was just afraid of upsetting him. I'll come at once. I should be down about midday, and I'll go straight to the hospital.'

  'Telephone me when you arrive, and I'll try to join you. If I can't I'll leave a message with switchboard. Goodbye, my dear.'

  Nell put the receiver down and walked back slowly into the dining-room. She had been in the middle of a late breakfast when one of the maids had summoned her to the telephone. Because it was nine o'clock on a weekday morning the doctors' dining-room was empty of all but a scattering of people. Most of the resident medical staff at Queen's College Hospital were already on the wards, or in Outpatients or the operating theatre. Only the lucky few who were off duty, or like Nell and her friends, who were going on holiday, could allow themselves the luxury of a late breakfast.

  She sat down again at the table and Belinda Stokes, who was her best friend, looked at her concernedly. 'What's wrong, Nell? Bad news?'

  The two men were staring at her too—Jimmy Green, who was Belinda's boy-friend, and Ted Wilding, who was the fourth member of their little group. She knew them all well, had spent five years at medical school with them, and had just completed her pre-registration year at Q.C.H. in their company. She told them what had happened, and because they knew that she had quarrelled with her grandfather and cut herself off from home, she didn't have to go into great detail.

  'Of course you'll have to visit him,' Belinda agreed. 'Whatever sort of reception he gives you.'

  'How long since you saw your family?' asked Ted, and Nell sighed.

  'Too long,' She eyed her plate of congealed bacon and eggs with distaste, pushed it away and drank tepid coffee. 'Over five years. Ever since we started at medical school.'

  That had been the original cause of the quarrel, her decision to become a doctor. When she had been a little girl, pretty and amenable, she had been the apple of her grandfather's eye. Nell had been brought up by Colonel Whitehead after her parents had been killed in a plane crash. She scarcely remembered them, and the time when she hadn't lived in her grandfather's house. Aunt Elizabeth, his younger and unmarried daughter, had been the third member of the family, but her relationship with Nell had never been a warm one.

  'Well, I'm sorry the old boy's ill,' observed Jimmy, 'but it's not your fault there's been this rift.'

  'And you did try to make it up,' observed Belinda. 'Do eat something. You can't drive on an empty stomach.'

  Nell shook her head. 'I can't face food,' but she poured herself another cup of coffee. She kept her head down and stirred vigorously, because she didn't want them to see the tears in her eyes. The memory of those telephone calls which had got nowhere, of those letters which hadn't been answered, still had the power to hurt her badly.

  Tour grandfather must be positively prehistoric,' Ted remarked. 'A girl chooses her own career these days. After all, you got a grant. You didn't cost him a penny.'

  It was nothing to do with expense,' Nell murmured, and gave her nose a quick blow. 'Grandpa's old-fashioned. He doesn't approve of career women, and especially women in medicine.'

  'So O.K., he doesn't approve. That's no reason for the old idiot to quarrel with you. In my opinion he behaved like something out of a Victorian novel.'

  He is like something out of a Victorian novel,' Nell agreed, with a faint smile. Impossible to explain to her friends, who came from such different backgrounds, her grandfather's attitude to women.

  'Fool thing wasting your time in the sixth form,' he had growled when she announced her intention of doing A-levels. 'Never thought you'd pass 'em,' had been his comment when she achieved very creditable grades in Chemistry, Physics and Biology. It was only then that Nell had told him and Aunt Elizabeth that she had applied and been accepted at a London medical school. She hadn't done so until she knew she was successful, because she had wanted to present them with a fait accompli.

  'No granddaughter of mine is going to become a doctor,' the Colonel had stormed, for all the world as if Nell had wanted to take up some highly dubious career. The women in our family have never needed to work. The idea's ridiculous.'

  'It's not ridiculous, Grandpa.' At first Nell had thought this extraordinary attitude a joke, and had been patient with the irascible old man, but quietly determined not to give way. 'Everyone works nowadays, and I've always wanted to be a doctor.'

  'You kept very quiet about it, miss. Not been exactly honest with, us, have you?'

  'I didn't say anything because I knew how it would be. I'm sorry you don't like the idea, but you'll have to get used to it.'

  'Never! You will write and tell these people'—the old man had thumped Nell's letter of acceptance with scorn— 'that you've changed your mind. You don't want their vacancy.'

  When Nell said she wouldn't he had gone an alarming shade of red, shouted that she was just like her father and that he wished to heaven that his daughter had never married that impossible man. Upset by these remarks about her parents, Nell had lost her temper too. It had ended with the Colonel storming that if she went off to London she needn't come back, and that was exactly what had happened. She had not visited her home in Shropshire, nor seen either her grandfather or her aunt for over five years. Several members of the family and one or two old friends, including Dr MacFarlane, had tried to patch up the quarrel, without success.

  'Would you like me to run you down?' suggested Ted. 'I've done my packing.'

  The four of them had arranged a skiing holiday in Switzerland as a celebration of the fact that they were now fully registered doctors. They were flying from London Airport that night, at least die others would be. Nell would not be going with them.

  'It's sweet of you, Te
d, but I'll manage. Though you could ring the airport and ask about a refund.'

  They all stared at her. 'You could be back in plenty of time,' said Ted. 'It's no distance to Barnslow on the motorway.'

  When she explained that there was no question of going on holiday he looked very upset. It was only recently that he and Nell had started going out together, although they had been good friends for years. Nell liked him enormously, admired his qualities as a doctor, and had been looking forward to their holiday foursome. What she wasn't quite sure about yet was just how much Ted really meant to her. Could an easy student friendship ripen into love after so many years? And just how serious was Ted about her?

  Very serious, it seemed, to judge by the violence of his reaction. His pleasant face was flushed, his jaw set at an aggressive angle, as he tried to make her change her mind. 'You owe the old man nothing, Nell. He's behaved abominably to you. So O.K., go and see him, even stay a day or two. But fly out and join us later. Please!'

  He laid a hand on her arm, his blue eyes beseeching. Belinda and Jimmy exchanged a look and disappeared tactfully.

  'I might come out later,' Nell agreed. 'It—it depends what happens.' If her grandfather died there would be no point in staying on, but if he recovered against all expectations, and wanted her around, then she would spend her holiday in her old home. When she told Ted this he looked sulky and very young.

  'It's a rotten thing to happen, just now when I thought ‑' He stuck on that, then started again. 'I've had a thing about you for years, Nell, but you never showed any interest. Then when Belle suggested this foursome it seemed like a chance at last. A chance for us to really get to know each other.'

  A little dismayed by his intensity, because she was far from sure of her own feelings, Nell smiled at him and tried for a light reply. 'We do know each other, Ted. We ought to after all we've been through together. Remember that first day at Queen's College? I felt terribly shy and nervous. You were the first person who spoke to me. I've never forgotten it.'

  His answering smile was warm, his ill humour completely banished. 'Nor have I. You were such a sweet kid, with those big brown eyes and that innocent look about you. I wasn't the only one who wanted to take care of you.'

  Nell had had more than her share of boy-friends in her years at medical school, none of them very serious, none of them capable of distracting her from her studies. She rose from the table. 'I really must be off. I'll ring you early evening and let you know what's happening. And I am sorry to have disrupted our plans. You'll have to find a nice Swiss girl, or you'll be the odd man out!'

  She left then, ran up to her room in the residents' quarters and snatched up the suitcase which was already labelled for her holiday. As she made her way to the car park, she thought wryly that the thick sweaters and trousers she had packed for the ski slopes, would be most welcome in her grandfather's house. January at Lanmore Manor could be bitterly cold, for Colonel Whitehead belonged to that generation of Englishmen who despised central heating, though perhaps advancing years had mellowed his outlook. In five years there were bound to be changes.

  Nell slung her case on to the back seat of her Mini and slid into die driving seat.

  Ted's remark about it being no distance to Barnslow might be correct, but she lost her way in the suburbs of North London and took a frustrating hour to reach the motorway, so that it was gone one o'clock before she turned on to the Barnslow exit. Then she took a wrong turning on the outskirts of the town, and finally arrived at die hospital at one-thirty, tired, hungry and apprehensive.

  As she walked through the swing doors, Dr MacFarlane came out of a room on the far side of the entrance hall. 'Nell, my dear!' He took her hands in a strong grip, looked searchingly down at her. How you've changed! You're a young woman now.'

  Was he talking like this because he didn't want to give her bad news? 'Grandpa?' faltered Nell, and her legs began to shake.

  'Holding his own. Making a fight of it, though he's by no means out of danger. He's sleeping now, but they'll call you as soon as he wakes up.'

  Relief made her sag against him and he put an arm around her shoulders to comfort her. 'Had any lunch? I thought not. There should be something left.'

  He took her to the doctors' dining-room, introduced her to some of his colleagues as Colonel Whitehead's granddaughter, and plied her with ham sandwiches and fresh coffee. Everyone else had left before she finished. As Nell drank her second cup she became aware that Dr MacFarlane's manner was a little constrained. He was either tired, having been got out of bed very early this morning, or not as friendly as she remembered him being in the past.

  'How did you know where to find me?' she asked.

  'I knew where you trained, my dear, so I rang the Dean's office and asked them for help. I'm pleased to know that they regarded your work highly enough to give you a job at Queen's.'

  Only there was no warmth in his voice, which would have made the small compliment more worthwhile. 'What did Grandpa say when he knew I was coming?'

  'About time! With which I entirely agree.' Dr MacFarlane's voice was dry, his expression severe.

  Nell flushed. I'd have come before if I'd thought I was wanted.'

  'Really, Nell!' He pushed his spectacles down to peer at her, bushy grey eyebrows drawn together in a frown. 'That's a silly thing to say, and you know it.'

  Not liking to be thought insincere, Nell persisted in this theme. 'I did try to make it up. Honestly.'

  He pulled out his pipe and tobacco pouch. 'Shall we leave it? No point raking up old quarrels, especially at a time like this.'

  So he didn't believe her, and the thought made her feel even more wretched. 'Is Aunt Elizabeth here?' she asked.

  'She went home for lunch. She should be back soon.'

  'Did she want me to come?'

  'I should say she was neutral.' Again that dry note in his voice.

  Nell swallowed the last of her coffee and stood up. 'Could we go along to the intensive care unit? I'll sit outside if he's not ready to see me.'

  There was a small room for the relatives of patients in the I.C.U., empty when Nell went in, for which she felt profoundly relieved. It gave her a few minutes to get a grip on herself before the painful meeting with her grandfather, and the possible embarrassment of seeing Aunt Elizabeth. Dr MacFarlane's tone had implied that her aunt was not disposed to be friendly. Did everyone blame her for the quarrel? Had she in truth been more at fault than she cared to admit? If she had been more tactful, not lost her temper so furiously, perhaps the old man could have been talked round into accepting her career.

  She was so deep in thought, hand to forehead, eyes on the ground, that she didn't hear the waiting-room door open. 'Hallo, Nell!' Her aunt's voice roused her and she looked up quickly.

  Elizabeth Whitehead looked young for her age, light brown hair coiled on the nape of her neck, skin smooth and cared for, figure trim. Behind her stood a man whom Nell had never seen before, a big man, for he topped Elizabeth by a head and she wasn't a short woman. An impressive-looking man whom you wouldn't forget if you had ever met him. Nell stared at them both, dismayed by her aunt's cool manner, which was just this side of being downright unfriendly.

  They came into the room and Elizabeth introduced the stranger. 'Philip Trent, a neighbour of ours. And this is my niece, Nell.' My difficult niece, her tone implied, or was Nell being over-sensitive?

  She shook hands with Philip Trent, wondering why he had come, and he looked down at her unsmilingly, so that the beginning of a smile on Nell's face wavered and disappeared.

  'I was so upset this morning that I could never have coped on my own.' Elizabeth fluttered well kept hands and gave a warm glance up at Mr Trent. 'I'm so bad with illness. Medical people must be very hard.'

  Recognising this as a dig in her direction, Nell said quietly that one tried to be detached, which wasn't the same as being hard. Her aunt ignored this. 'Now about Father. I shall go in first. Make sure he really wants to see you.'
/>   She moved towards the door. Philip Trent sat down, stretching long legs before him, and stared fixedly at a picture on the opposite wall. The tactlessness of the man! He might have guessed that she would have welcomed a few words alone with her aunt. If he had brought Elizabeth to the hospital, he was probably intimate enough to be aware of the family set-up.

  'How long have you known my aunt, Mr Trent?' Some of Nell's irritation must have showed in her voice, for he gave her a straight look.

  'For nearly as long as you've stayed away, Miss Ramsay.' The words were quietly spoken, but none the less a rebuke. Nell was prepared to put up with censure from Dr MacFarlane, however little deserved, but not from a stranger.

  'And I call that an unnecessary remark!' she exclaimed hotly. 'But tact doesn't seem to be your strong point.'

  His eyes narrowed. He leant forward in his chair, and Nell shifted away from him. What a hard face he had! What an uncomfortably direct glance! 'You're wondering why I'm here, Miss Ramsay? Not from choice, I assure you. I drove Elizabeth back to the hospital just now, and she didn't feel up to meeting you on her own.' He sat back again and resumed his study of die very ordinary landscape behind Nell's head. She was already regretting that ill-considered remark, which she would never have made if she hadn't been so tense and unhappy. When she stammered a sort of apology he flicked her an indifferent glance, but before he could say anything Elizabeth returned.

  'Father's awake and expecting you, Nell.' She accompanied her niece to the door of the intensive care unit, urging Nell to be tactful, to say as little as possible, not to upset the old man. Had she always been as irritating?

  'All right, Aunt Elizabeth, I won't say a thing out of line. As if I would at a time like this!'

  She had been many times into an I.C.U. She should have been prepared for what she found, but the frail figure in the bed with bloodless face and sunken eyes bore no resemblance to the grandfather she remembered. He lay quite flat, one pillow under his head, palms down on the white counterpane, one arm fixed to an intravenous drip, an oxygen cylinder near the head of the bed. The staff nurse sitting beside him rose and moved towards the window. Colonel Whitehead's faded eyes watched Nell with a total lack of expression.